


cryptosporidium

by inkk



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gender Dysphoria, Multi, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2015-04-17
Packaged: 2018-03-23 09:52:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3763672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkk/pseuds/inkk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After all, it must be pretty hard to find someone who can tolerate a guy who can't eat anything without measuring the impact of each mouthful, can't even bathe or piss or change clothes or get off without feeling something with ugly, pitch black tentacles stirring in the pit of his stomach and whispering that he's <i>wrong</i> and <i>just a scared little girl</i> and <i>won't ever be a real boy</i> just because his fucking chromosomes couldn't get their shit together and give him the right body when he was born.</p>
            </blockquote>





	cryptosporidium

**Author's Note:**

> Before you get started reading, you should be aware that this work is basically about body/gender dysphoria (and finding happiness and all that, too).  
> Also, Let's be clear that Ashlee's character is a major asshole with terrible views who says awful, dysphoria-causing, soul-destroying things. She's a pretty terrible character (but a great antagonist...).

Pete's not really sure why he expects anyone to love him. He's not entirely sure anyone actually can.

 

After all, it must be pretty hard to find someone who can tolerate a guy who can't eat anything without measuring the impact of each mouthful, can't even bathe or piss or change clothes or get off without feeling something with ugly, pitch black tentacles stirring in the pit of his stomach and whispering that he's _wrong_ and _just a scared little girl_ and _won't ever be a real boy_ just because his fucking chromosomes couldn't get their shit together and give him the right body when he was born.

 

It _hurts_.

 

 

+

 

 

He meets Mikey, and everything is cerulean and hazel for a little while.

 

Mikey is skinny and quiet, with bird's-nest hair, a wonky smile and a flat ass - the type of person you could expect to find at local shows, which is exactly where they happen to collide.

 

Pete's seen him around at a few gigs he's gone to in the past year or so, but the first time they've ever actually spoken is when Mikey sidles up to where where Pete's standing over by the wall and nudges him with one bony elbow.

 

"Hey," he says, "Wanna go outside and make out?"

 

+

 

 

Pete's pressed back up against the grimy alley wall, shoulder blades grinding uncomfortable against brick as one of Mikey's hands worms it's way under his shirt and one continues in a slow descend towards his crotch.

 

"Um," mumbles Pete, separating their lips. "So. I've got a vagina."

 

Mikey stops and blinks. "Oh," he says. "Well, is it cool if I finger you?"

 

 

+

 

They stick together for a pretty long time, all things considered.

 

They're both lying on Mikey's bed one night, soaking in the afterglow and smoking when Mikey says, "So I think maybe I'm going to be moving to Paris the day after tomorrow," and that's it. They're done. 

Turns out he got accepted by a French modelling agency.

 

Pete asks him if he can now brag about having banged a hot model, and then wishes him congrats and actually means it. He says, "See you on the front of a magazine," and he says maybe he'll call.

 

They both know he won't.

 

Pete lets himself out that afternoon and doesn't look back.

 

 

+

 

 

Pete meets Ashlee, and everything is fiery red and awesome right up until the day she tells him she's a lesbian.

 

"I dunno," she shrugs, picking at her nail polish, "I mean, I guess I thought it could work 'cause you're basically a girl, but it didn't and I can't keep doing this."

 

Pete sees his own brand of fiery red then, spreading all the way from his toes to his eyes. His ears are ringing as though she had physically struck him and he wants to wipe that tiny, poisonous smirk right off her face.

 

Instead, he turns on his heel and marches to their bedroom, grabs all the cash he can find plus his iPod and a few changes of clothes before stuffing it all into a backpack.  
On second thought, he grabs a pair of scissors from the desk and spends a good five minutes revelling in the petty, sadistic pleasure of completely shredding her favourite garments. He then proceeds to fling all of her lingerie out the window and writes "CUNT" in big black sharpie letters across the ridiculously expensive bedding.

 

Ashlee smiles and waves as he stalks out the door, a condescending flash of white teeth and a waggle of fingers.  
He's almost across the street, almost safely out of earshot when she calls out to him one last time from the balcony of their apartment.

 

"No one wants a tranny, _Paige!_ "

 

 

+

 

 

Pete knows going back was a mistake even before he pulls the borrowed truck into the driveway of his childhood home, but he's already spent what little money he had on food and water and there's nowhere else left for him to go.

 

He knows it's a mistake even before the pronouns he left behind start flying back at his face like gravel under the wheels of a car, pelting his cheeks and bombarding his identity until his lungs stop working and all he wants is to curl up into himself and disappear.

 

 

+

 

 

He meets Patrick, and everything is golden.

 

Patrick likes to hum while he cooks, and he forgets to turn off the lights when he goes to bed. He has a secret, passionate love for succulents and an impressive collection of vinyls arranged by their release dates. 

 

He likes M&Ms and lets the lights stay off during sex, and he always, _always_ lets Pete be the big spoon.

 

 

+

 

 

Patrick is still there when he doesn't come back to the apartment one day.

 

Patrick is still there when Pete refuses to get out of bed and doesn't talk to him for three days.

 

Patrick is the reason he pieces himself back together.

 

No matter how many days it takes before he can find the strength to pull himself out from beneath the covers and face the world, Patrick is still there.

 

Patrick is still there, and Pete knows he's not alone.

 

 

+

_finis._

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!  
> comments and/or kudos are super-duper appreciated :)


End file.
